At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7 year old hockey players aside and asked, Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. So," the coach continued, "I am sure you know, when a penalty is called, you should not argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, its not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it? Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother..."
Four women were having coffee and bragging about their children. The first woman says, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."
The next woman tries to top her, "Really? My son married the princess of a small European country and when he walks into the room, people call him your highness!"
The third woman chirps, "Well, my son is a cardinal of the church. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him your eminence!"
The fourth woman is just sitting there sipping her coffee silently and the other three look at her in a subtle way, as if to say 'well...?' She smiles and says, "Oh. My son is a very large and handsome hockey player. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "OH MY GOD...!"